The Most Outrageously Overpriced Rehabs

Wealth breeds excess. Expensive dinners, globetrotting excursions, designer clothing – the sky’s the proverbial limit when your money is limitless. But wealth also lends itself to addiction in some extreme cases. If one can afford to feed his or her habit endlessly, then substance use becomes dangerously accessible.

When the rich and famous encounter issues with drugs and alcohol, they may turn to an exorbitantly priced getaway. The rehab centers on the following list offer a respite from the nightclub life while replacing it with jaw-droppingly expensive alternatives of their own. Take out a loan and take off for a recovery roundup of the most exorbitant treatment facilities in the United States…

Passages Malibu

Consistently ranked as one of the poshest rehab destinations on earth, Passages treats its residents to the bells and whistles of a staggering 23 million-dollar estate perched next to the shimmering Pacific Ocean. Some of the facility’s amenities include tennis courts, swimming pools, a koi pond, personal trainers, and ten acres of wilderness, Malibu style. It is unclear how all of these lavish trappings help with the recovery process, seeing as how Passages doesn’t adhere to the 12-step approach to sobriety. Rather, their philosopgy hinges on the theory that addiction is caused by chemical imbalances, coping mechanisms, past trauma, and misguided beliefs. Does their method work? If you have approximately $100,000 to spare, you can find out for yourself!

Promises Malibu

Made (in)famous by celebrity client Charlie Sheen, this other Malibu recovery hotspot is peppered with heated swimming pools, sun decks, and jacuzzis. The price tag varies depending on your specialized needs, but a 31-day stay costs somewhere in the range of $55,000 to $90,000. It’s more expensive if you bring your dog. That’s one pampered pooch!

Harmony Place

Just a half hour northeast of Passages and Promises sits Harmony Place, a more affordable option at a mere $25k for a 30-day stay. For that sum, you get access to a plethora of luxuries, including equine therapy. Contrary to what you may be thinking, this doesn’t mean that a horse will psychoanalyze you (unfortunately). Instead, equine therapy is based on the belief that humans and horses share an unspoken bond that, when explored, can bolster a newfound trust in our surroundings and love of nature. Just say neigh!

Cottonwood Tucson

Nestled just outside of Arizona’s second largest city, Cottonwood Tucscon sprawls across 35 acres of majestic landscape. There, you’ll find a ropes course and rock climbing wall, for those of you with adventurous spirits, but the grounds also offer boundless serenity at an estimated cost of $30,000 per month. For that price tag, residents can enjoy a menu packed with fresh proteins and organic produce, as well as semi-private accommodations. It is unclear how much extra fully private accommodations would cost.

Cirque Lodge

When you enter this lavish estate, festooned with spiral log staircases and grand stone-laden fireplaces, it may seem oddly familiar (especially if you happen to follow pop culture). Cirque has hosted a who’s who of celebs seeking treatment. The guest list includes everyone from Demi Moore and Mary-Kate Olsen to Kirsten Dunst and Lindsay Lohan. Its very location is synonymous with Hollywood glamour; the Cirque Lodge is conveniently located in Sundance, Utah. And the price of fame? An estimated thousand dollars per day (that’s 30k for a one month sojourn).

The Meadows

But Cirque Lodge isn’t the only rehab facility with a star-studded roster of clientele. The Meadows has welcomed Tiger Woods, Kevin Spacey, Selena Gomez, Kate Moss, Harvey Weinstein, and Rush Limbaugh, just to name a few. As one would expect, such A-list company comes at an A+ price; The Meadows charges approximately $44,000 for a five-week stint. But fear not: they have two convenient locations in both Arizona and Texas.

No matter where you go for help, recovery is a priceless commodity. It is a ticket to a new life, unbound by limitations and glowing with healthy possibilities. Just listen to yourself, lean on your loved ones, and get the help you so richly deserve.

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